3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
