I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
