His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
