its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
