Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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