Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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