he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
