Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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