What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
