6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
