hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize