A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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