I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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