i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
