i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize