Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
