I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
