my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
