Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
