I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
