Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
organizing the empties. That sober.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
