Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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