i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
