Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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