Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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