obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ttyl tear gas
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
