how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
