Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
