forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
