His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
