Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
