apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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