I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
