watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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