We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize