im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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