This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
