we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
