He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
