Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
