are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can Purell be used as lube?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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