the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Randomize
