Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
wow bdsm is so cute
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
