sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize