And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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