Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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