Welp...herpes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
