Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
