Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize