this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
