p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
