I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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