Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize