Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
