their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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