I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
