im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
