So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
