I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
