I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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