I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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