girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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