a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
