so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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