she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
