wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
