My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
