you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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