oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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