I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
