So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize