Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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