i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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